25.

25 is drawing to a close.

I feel old, but in the way where I also feel like I know absolutely nothing about much.

My 20s have basically been an odd little experience so far.

A lot of, “Wait what?”

A lot of expectations met in the worst of ways but also a good amount of learning to trust my intuition.

It’s been weird.

I’ve learned that it’s okay that my life looks different than a lot of people I know, but haven’t quite made peace with it.

This little corner of the world I’m carving looks beautiful, but still never looks like any daydream I’ve ever had.

I’ve learned that people surprising me in the worst ways is sometimes also synonymous with them surprising themselves in the best. Occasionally my feelings are collateral damage and I am not always the center of the universe.

But it’s still okay to take note when people are jerks.

I’ve learned that God is good. I try to run away from him so often, but he’s working in my heart and life so much at the same time. I’m thankful that he knows me best, including my capacity to run away from a lot. I’m thankful for his patience when I surely would have walked away. His plan seems like the worst at the moment. It feels lonely and uncomfortable but I’m certain He will deliver in his time. All the while, he’s around with a hug when I don’t understand.

Which is most of the time, really.

I’ve learned that sometimes bad guys finish first and occasionally it’s okay to not hate those guys completely. They can be friends. Just don’t date them.

I’ve learned that friendships change when you move across the country, but good people abound. Hold each one close in their own special way.

I’ve learned to try and appreciate each day for what it is.

Mostly because I don’t know where they keep going.

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