I am the kind of person who craves structure because I enjoy resisting it; I like rules because I often want to break them, but like the stability of their existence.

I often make up rules for myself that are really arbitrary. How I eat. When I wake up. Things I do as I get ready. I don’t stick with them all that much, or really often at all. But as a consequence of my conditioning and the way I was raised, I like them to be there.

The grey areas in life are hard for me to comprehend most of the time. I am naturally drawn to most things that are hard to understand and kind of complicated because I think they’re interesting, but do my best to stay away from them because they contradict many of the rules I make for myself. I am also still young and probably filled with a bit of angst, which I know explains a lot of my decisions, as well.

I’m sitting here tonight though, wondering, do the grey areas get larger or smaller as I get older? It seems as I learn the things I can handle and the things I dislike in life, they should get smaller, but they don’t seem to do anything but grow.

And I suppose I’m just wondering is all. You know, how life works.




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