I decided I wanted to move a few months ago. I say this at least once a year, each time something big changes in my life. But this time is a little different – I feel less like I’m running away from something and more chasing a dream or two. I’m also learning that dreams are sometimes even more abstract that I realized. I feel like I’m chasing a feeling rather than a position or place. And that’s a really great feeling. Chasing feels much better than running.
That said, my perspective on everything changed that say. Suddenly everything turned into, “Well that guy’s a jerk, but I’m moving anyway so who cares.” Or, “My boss is awful today but it doesn’t matter really because I’m moving in five months.” I’ve done this with almost every situation I’ve encountered lately.
It’s a great fall-back. It makes everything seem okay because it doesn’t matter, and not caring is not something I’ve ever been good at on my own. I usually care about eight times too much. Approximately.
But it also means I have very little drive to fix anything that’s happening right now. I’m just kind of going with it, because my circumstances will change soon. This is not something I am used to. I like to fix things.
So i’m left in this place where I don’t know what the right answer is – work to fix things that won’t be variables soon, or simply wait it out?