I like to think forgiveness isn’t that hard.
I like that – mostly – because I keep so many people in my life who have done hurtful things. I keep them around, so I must be good at forgiveness.
But I’m starting to finally realize forgiveness is a process, not an action. It’s many actions.
I suppose it’s recognizing hurt. I guess then we accept an apology. We recognize sometimes things happen. Sometimes life is hard. We all make mistakes. I understand – we all make mistakes.
But then we have to move on. And that’s the hard part. The moving on.
Because what’s the appropriate way to move on? It seems almost detrimental to my own emotional well-being to completely brush over an issue. That’s how I end up with all of these people in my life who don’t really deserve to be there.
But the other option doesn’t sound great. I don’t hold grudges. I don’t often feel like I know how. Plus, if someone meant something at some point, why would I cut them out of my life? Certainly, they add value to my little time here on this planet. And I would hate to lose something that could be good at some point later.
So letting something go – completely forgetting it – seems like a bad idea. But letting someone go and completely forgetting them sounds awful, too.
Either way, the baggage is still there. The hurt sticks around.
I know at its definition, forgiveness is letting go of hurt. It’s extending grace to another person.
But how do we extend grace to someone else, and still learn a lesson from it? The hurt is what provides the lesson.
These thoughts fill my head before I go to sleep. They keep me awake some nights.
I guess for tonight my resolution is this – show grace. Wherever possible. Maybe lessons get jumbled sometimes in there – but the idea of grace and forgiveness so baffles my heart in the best way possible – I’d rather have that than a story of someone who hurt me.
And I suppose once we get to that place – where it doesn’t hurt anymore – the moving on happens naturally. The baggage disappears.
And I raised my voice to the air, and we were blessed. Everybody needs a little forgiveness.