As I approach 25 (a month and three days, for anyone else that’s counting), I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Truthfully – I mean that with every bit of my little heart. I’m happy.
I feel a sense of peace about life that I can’t say I’ve ever felt prior to the last few months – which is a little funny because my life is definitely in a transitional place on all fronts. But maybe that’s why I feel so peaceful. Maybe I’ve finally accepted that I really control very little of this – and as long as I do my best with the pieces that are mine, there’s not much to be upset about. Of course, there are also days where I have absolutely no understanding of that concept and wonder what exactly I’ve done in this area or that area or why something worked out the way it did. But that’s for another day.
Today feels peaceful and fairly lovely.
Sure, there are things I want and things I don’t want at the moment – but I guess accepting that as life makes them a little easier to deal with.
And I control very little of this whole thing.
I’ve felt a lot of emotions in the past few months – probably even the past year. It’s been full of tears and smiles and some obnoxious laughter – and a little more sarcasm than anyone ever asked for. But it’s been grand.
I’m happier with myself than I’ve ever been – I recognize that I’m not awful at everything and some things I’m actually pretty good at. I know there are parts of my personality that I do like and some that aren’t so great – and I can work on them to some degree, but I’m not perfect. And that’s okay – because imperfections are one of the sweetest parts of life. As long as I keep doing and moving and going and trying, it’s my best and that’s all I can really ask myself to do.
I have the best friends – so many lovely hearts that love me without question. Many of them are not new – but that realization is, I suppose. I’ve always known it, but this year it’s sunk in a bit more than ever before – I’ve finally grasped the importance of surrounding myself with the people who matter and holding onto them for dear life. Because God, everyone needs a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear, just as they need a hearty laugh and smile – and if you find people that provide all of those things, do not let them go. Ever. I’ve lucked into finding some great people since I’ve moved and feel pretty blessed to know so many kind souls already, as well.
I’ve realized what little capacity I have for drama – my heart simply isn’t good at it. Not processing it. Not responding to it. Certainly not understanding it. People who make it are toxic and don’t even really deserve a thought – and certainly not my time.
My family is really the best thing in the world – I think this year I started to understand that better than ever before. We have our faults, each and every one of us. But we love each other and I know we would all do anything for one another. That’s what family is – regardless of what imperfections we may have.
I’ve learned the importance of love and kindness. I don’t think that’s new, but both have been clearer than ever before. That it’s important to leave this world with a little more of each when we go, but it’s also important to live surrounded by them. We’re here for such little time, but it’s sure going to seem much longer without either of those things.
For the past few months, I’ve been pretty terrified about my birthday – not because I think things change magically at the stroke of midnight, but because I know I’m already in a transitional place and I know that’s not going anywhere. That I’m in this for awhile.
And today I’m pretty excited about that.