I’ve spent a good amount of my girl time lately — as usual — lamenting the disastrous dating life I have mostly always. This experience is shared by a good majority of the girls I know who aren’t in committed relationships. That’s what I tell myself at least. There’s a lot of other ladies out there, who spend just as much time wondering why they’re single, and quite frankly, what’s wrong with them and what’s wrong with guys. Then there’s some more ladies whom I admire — the ones who date regularly and date to get to know people and don’t seem deterred by the whole experience. Then there’s another set of ladies who are just fine with their lives and pretty much tell me I’m crazy regularly for even caring.
I am definitely not the second option. I don’t think I ever will be. I’m an introvert by nature, stubborn as hell and make up my mind whether I enjoy someone’s company pretty quickly. So dating to get to know someone has never appealed much to me, because I’ve made up my first impression about a person in about five minutes. And if I don’t like my first impression, I’m probably not allowing for a second. It’s odd, because it’s the complete opposite of how I handle relationships once I know someone well. Then they get about a million and one chances to do whatever it is guys do. Anyway…
I see myself becoming much more of the third option. I’ve spent the better part of a year and a half really single, I like to think by choice, and I’ve come to really, really love my life for what it is and what I’ve made of it. I’m quite comfortable in my routine: sleeping in the middle of the bed, cuddling with my dog in the morning, not talking before I leave the house and hurriedly running around to get ready — because I didn’t used to be late for anything, but I’ve since adopted a necessary daily dance party and gosh it just takes up so much time, but it makes my soul feel so much better.
Because I haven’t quite morphed into this person I want to be, this person that really doesn’t care, I do spend a good amount of time lamenting the things I hate about the current state of dating.
Mostly, I just think we’re all a little confused, and I’m not really sure who’s right or wrong. I don’t really guess there is a right or wrong. I love chivalry and romance and all things associated, but there’s just as many people walking around telling guys not to hold doors open and buying their own dinner. Yes, I mentioned that, and no, I don’t expect it always or even most of the time, but sometimes the offer sure is sweet. I’ve said, “Wait, was that a date?” more times than I’d like to admit in that year and a half and way too many hours convincing myself something was something when it really was nothing worth thinking a second thought about. But I’m so confused about what even constitutes a romantic relationship at this point that who knows — it could have been something. Girls mention how guys don’t try anymore, because they don’t have to — because there’s things like Tinder and 2 a.m. phone calls. That we answer. I know the same amount of guys who don’t know why girls are so flaky and why they won’t make actual plans with them. So everyone’s in this half state of confusion about what we’re all supposed to do and what’s the right answer and how do we behave because no one really knows! The necessary counterpart to my comment about chivalry and romance is — of course — mentioning that I am one of the most romantically commitment-phobic people I’ve ever met — unless I’m really into someone. And what’s the criteria for that? I don’t even know. I do know that I’m nowhere near the only person like this, making life all the more complicated and confusing.
So, I think I chose to let it go — for a just a little longer at least. Mostly, I’m tired of complaining about something I don’t know how to fix, especially since I have no idea how to fix my side of the equation.
I spent tonight on my couch, watching “The Mindy Project” and “Parks and Recreation.” Then I read some of “Bossypants.” I listened to Marc Cohn (Because, are you kidding? That first album is great.) and drank hot chocolate. I didn’t spend a single second wondering whether I did something right or wrong or answered correctly or too quickly or what does he think about what I said. I thought about these wonderful women who mastered singledom and made lovely little lives for themselves as strong, independent smart forces to be reckoned with.
And you know what? I’ve never second guessed wanting that.