Spinning wheels.

My mind thinks in words. I mean, I think most people’s minds think in words; however, mine thinks in writing. I’m hardly ever present – constantly thinking about how I’d write something if I were going to; what literary devices I might use and how I’d break up the sentences.

I noticed tonight during yoga – I never realized before that yoga is all about being present and being in the here and now. I always wrongly assumed it was getting outside of your body – someone getting to another plane of consciousness. That’s not it all. It’s all about being present. I was laying there, staring at the ceiling, thinking how I might describe the experience to someone else; how I’d say what I was feeling.

Here’s the big problem with thinking the way I do – I don’t think it’s all necessarily bad and there are probably some advantages – but I spend more time writing the story I’d like my life to tell than living the one I already have. Perhaps that’s why I get so disappointed when things don’t work out the way I want them to – I’ve already written that chapter and probably the next five, too.

I guess I should work on being in the moment a bit more. Being in the here and now and appreciating it for what it is, rather than what I wish it was. After all, I hear I’m capable of writing my own story, but it’s hard to write the next sentence when I’m not sure what’s happening in the current one.

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