It ain’t kind

I’m stubborn. It’s easily my most and least desirable personality trait. It’s both.

It serves me well when I’m working toward something I need, but lends itself to disaster when I’m desiring something I want.

It’s helpful in a lot of ways. I don’t give up once I’ve set my mind to achieve a goal. When i decide to better myself. When I work on a project.

It also ruins me when I want something I don’t need. I obsess. I overthink. I hang on. I give more of myself than I should because I decided previously I wanted to win, to reach that end game, to have the result I pictured.

I don’t want to fix myself. I’m pretty messed up in a lot of ways that I’ve come to love – it’s also all my joke material. But I do wish I could refocus that energy sometimes. Repoint it toward healthy goals rather than ones I want. Because realizing I gave all of myself – or even just a little – when it wasn’t deserved is pretty defeating.

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