As I get older, I’m learning the concept of lonely is fluid – it changes. It’s not a static, sad definition of being by myself and hating every minute. It takes many different shapes. Sometimes it is a bit sad, yes. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it shows up because I am alone, but it often also shows up when I’m not. Sometimes it means I talk to no one – on other occasions, it means I talk to everyone.
But most of the time? Most of the time it isn’t sad. It’s hopeful. That I’ll find something that fits. That something. Not someone. That makes everything make more sense; makes life seem a bit clearer. Not because it’s convoluted currently, but because when there’s better it makes everything before that seem less than perfect – a personal version of perfect, of course. Imperfect as it may be.
And that? I think that’s lonely for now. Hopeful. Sometimes sad, but mostly hopeful.