You love who you love, who you love.

You can’t make yourself stop dreaming who you’re dreaming of, if it’s who you love, then it’s who you love.

 

I’ve been listening to this song from John Mayer’s new album on repeat since yesterday. Not in a sad way. In a ridiculously excited, I can’t wait to see what’s out there kind of way.

Maybe I used to dream of that boy, but I haven’t in awhile. I haven’t had butterflies in close to a year – something happens when feelings aren’t reciprocated; whether you realize it at the time or not, they tend to disappear.

Sure, I’m still sad, but I think it’s more at the lack of having my friend in my life. The truth is, I felt reprimanded most of the time, like I was being treated like a child rather than an equal. Like he thought he knew more, or his opinion was more important than mine for some reason. That’s the most frustrating thing ever, I’m pretty sure.

I can’t wait to find someone who gets those same butterflies. Who doesn’t talk themselves out of things. Who lives for their life, rather than things making sense or being logical.

The truth is, I’m a dreamer who needs to dream, and I need someone who’s willing to dream with me – rather than tell me why they don’t make sense. Maybe a little broken, because we all are, but without turning that brokenness into baggage. Because you can’t love someone else if you don’t love you first – and I don’t think he does completely. And someone who thinks they’re lucky to be with me – because that should go both ways.

And the prospect of that being out there for me? Thrilling.

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